As you read this, I'm taking the day off. A while ago I realized that in the last three months I'd taken one day of vacation (to see friends for the eclipse), so I scheduled this one to get a little breather.
I'm doing a cold plunge. I'm outside. I'm exercising. I'm doing things that give me energy.
I've also got some paperwork and errands to take care of, so it's not all bliss over here! But on balance, I'll take it.
Don't forget to take a break if you need it. It's a marathon, not a sprint.
Find a natural break between work if you can. If you can't, you'll have to make a break and take a random day off.
As individuals, we should embrace our responsibility for being the best we can be within the design of the organization. But as leaders, our responsibility is to design the organization so that individuals can be the best versions of themselves.
— L. David Marquet in "Leadership is Language"
Three Things
1 - 🔎 Seed Oil Scout - Part of the reason I cook for myself is because I can control the quality of the ingredients. Eating out can be a real crap shoot; especially with cooking oils. There’s an app called Seed Oil Scout where you can now know in advance what cooking oils a restaurant is using. Really useful if that’s important to you!
2 - 🧑💻 Daylight Computer - Want a more distraction-free computer experience? This $729 device is focused on minimalism, like a merging of the iPad and the Remarkable. It has a paper-like display. It’s focused on reading, writing, and note-taking. Compatible with Obsidian already. Let me know if you buy one! Current orders ship in November.
3 - 🧺 Laundry Love - Do you love laundry? Patric Richardson loves laundry. He loves laundry so much he wrote a book called, “Laundry Love.” I somehow discovered him on a podcast called The Art of Manliness, and got a bunch of tips on how to do laundry well. There’s always something to learn!
Deeper Dive on Understanding the Game You’re Playing
“What game are you playing?”
I never understood that question. I’ve read it multiple times over the years, but it never made sense to me.
In theory it’s supposed to help you frame what you’re doing in business and life, but when the answers I had were literal games - checkers, chess, football - it felt weird. How does calling my life analogous to chess help me exactly?
I eventually realized I was thinking about it wrong. And it turns out that thinking about it differently can actually help you!
Today I’ll deep dive into how you should think about the game you’re playing, what happens when you get it wrong, how it shows up at work…and even whether you have to play a game at all.
Why should you ask this question?
“What game are you playing?” is a good question to gain clarity. You can’t win the game if you don’t know what you’re playing!
The answer to this question will help you define your own version of success. It helps clarify who you should, and should not, emulate. For example, if you’re clear that you are not in the “get the most followers on social media” game, you don’t need to emulate those who are.
There’s no universal answer to this question; there’s your answer. Your answer isn’t static, it’ll change over time.
The question and its answers are also just a framework to think about things, which means you can apply it wherever you’d like. You can zoom out to ask the really big question about the game of life. You can zoom in and ask what’s the game in the next meeting, or at an upcoming networking event.
You can take a middle ground and ask about the game you’re playing over the next 5-10 years.
No matter what frame you use, answering this question helps you play the game better.
This is about being intentional so you avoid living and working accidentally.
How do you answer it?
I’ve already shared the unhelpful way to answer this, which is by making your life an analogy to an existing game. You might gain some insight by saying that your work is like baseball, or Monopoly, but you’re unlikely to get far.
Instead, the better way to answer it comes by abstracting out what a game is - and then filling in those answers for yourself.
You can define a game by answering these questions:
How do you keep score?
Who are your competitors / opponents?
Who are your teammates?
Is it an infinite or finite game? How long does it run?
What are the rules?
Is it solo or multiplayer? What positions do you need?
What’s the field of play?
These are not the only questions you can ask, but they give you a starting point.
Practice answer
Let’s practice with the first question: How do you keep score?
If you’re thinking high level, some answers to that question might be:
How much money I have in the bank.
How many followers I have on social media.
The size of my team.
How many friends I have.
How long I live.
The number of countries I’ve visited.
You get to define what "winning" is to you - possibly having a sea of friends.
If you’re thinking really short term, like the networking event, it might be:
How many business cards I collect.
How many times I speak to someone I don’t know.
How many new followers I get.
There are an infinite number of answers to this question, but you get the idea.
Depth and breadth of games
There are many different games you can play. You can play multiple games at once, or focus on one game at a time. Like Aristotle’s Golden Mean, you want to find a balance.
History is littered with people who “won” the “make lots of money” game, but then realize in their advanced years that they forgot to play the “be a great parent” game, or the “be good to those around me” game. They live with those regrets.
All the money, but no family or friends.
There are also people who play too few games and don’t put in enough time to win at any of them. They dabble in school, then dabble in careers. They strive for nothing and don’t get very far.
My point is not to judge either extreme, but rather to point out that you have to find a balance between them. You’ll need to recognize when you’ve been focused on a game too long and need to pivot, or haven’t been focused on a game long enough and need to give it more time.
How to think about games over time
The games you play will change over time.
If you think back on your life so far, you probably played a sequence of games that looked like: The “have a fun time” game, then the “get good grades” game, then the “find a job” game, followed by the “find a spouse” and “focus on my career” game.
Some of those games have natural stopping points, like “get good grades” has break points after high school, or college. The game is clearly over, but you could start another round of the “grades” game if you choose.
Knowing that games change over time, you can use that to your advantage. How could you use one game to set you up for success in the next? Cal Newport likes to think in 10 year blocks. As an academic he had a “get tenure” game, that he followed with his “publish best-selling books” game, which is setting him up for his next game (which only he knows).
Once you’re clear on what game you’re playing now, you can think about a different game you could play next. Or, knowing what game you want to play later, you can think of a way to define your game now that helps you get there.
What happens if you get it wrong?
By “wrong,” let’s say you’re operating unconsciously, unaware of the game you’re trying to play. You’re very likely to feel some negative feelings, at least part of the time. Unhappy and unfulfilled. Stretched, stressed, and frazzled.
Sometimes you might feel lost. Like you’re not where you’re supposed to be. You’re working so hard, why isn’t it working?
By “wrong,” let’s instead say you’ve answered the question differently than the people you’re playing with, like your teammates.
You might feel crazy or frustrated. The game is so clear to you! Why are other people not in the right position? Why are they not playing how they’re supposed to?!
I don't think everyone in this image is playing the same game.
Games at work - get everything aligned
If we focus on work, the goal is to get everyone to play the game together. We need to get everything in alignment so that you’re all working toward a common outcome using the same rules.
Assuming you’ve defined your work game, how well is everything aligned?
Your information dashboards are your scoreboards. Are they telling you what you need to know to win? For example, in basketball, winning is by scoring points by getting the ball in the basket. If your team’s scoreboard shows the amount of water left in the bottles, or the number of steps taken, that’s not really helping your team understand whether they’re winning or not.
Have you hired the right players for your game? Do they have the right skills and characteristics to be successful?
If yes, have you set them up for success by onboarding them well? Do they know what’s valued in this game? Do they know how you keep score? Who the opponents are?
Make sure you teach your new hires how to play the game.
Make sure YOU are in alignment with the game being played by the rest of the company. The more out of alignment you are, the more friction you’ll feel. Eventually you might find yourself off the agenda (not working on the things that matter), and eventually your growth might stagnate. You might get kicked off the team.
If you start to feel out of alignment, find out if the game has shifted. Did the rules change? Is there a new way to keep score? Bring yourself back to alignment with the team.
"To be of maximum value inside an organization—to be of service—we first need to know what is valued. We need to know the game being played. How clearly do you understand the skills and capabilities that are most prized in your organization? What are the top priorities? What warrants attention and care? What’s valued by your leaders, customers, and partners?"
You can’t play games forever, even if you find them fun. Everyone needs a break now and then.
For example, when I go for a walk in the woods, I don’t feel like I’m part of a game. I’m not keeping score. I’m not competing with anyone. I’m just walking in the woods.
What activities give you a time out? Let yourself rest and recharge so you can come back to your game with intensity.
You may also find yourself in a position where it feels like there are no winning moves! Everything feels like a bad option. You’re tired of playing. You’re burnt out.
In that case, you might need a long break from games. You might need to get off the field and re-evaluate what you’re doing. I know of many people who have, or are, taking extended sabbaticals to figure things out for themselves.
You’ve got this one precious life. Make sure you’re playing the game you want to play. 🙂
"And the life you will see incrementally taking shape, in the rearview mirror, will be one that meets the only definitive measure of what it means to have used your weeks well: not how many people you helped, or how much you got done; but that working within the limits of your moment in history, and your finite time and talents, you actually got around to doing—and made life more luminous for the rest of us by doing—whatever magnificent task or weird little thing it was that you came here for."
“What game are you playing?” is a powerful question for clarity and alignment. It’s a framework you can apply to big scope (like life), or small scope (like a networking event).
You clarify it by answering a few key questions, like how you keep score.
You can play too many games, or too few. You can play a game for too long, or for not long enough.
Games shift over time. Use that to your advantage by thinking how today’s game will set you up for the next.
Get everything aligned at work so that you’re all playing the same game. Be an effective member of the team by knowing the game being played.
Give yourself a break if you need it. Short, if you just need a quick recharge. Long, if you need to rethink what game you should be playing.
Call to action
Figure out what game you are playing or want to play. Go back to the list of questions from the “How do you answer it?” section (I’ll also repeat them below). Think about them on your next commute or walk. Jot down some answers if that helps.
From there, start to get things in alignment. How could you play your game better?
I’d love to hear what you learned about yourself from today’s deep dive! What game are you playing? How do you keep score? Is there anything you want to change to get better at playing? Email me at heykev@kevinnoble.xyz; I’d love to hear from you.
Kevin 😊
Questions to start defining your game
How do you keep score?
Who are your competitors / opponents?
Who are your teammates?
Is it an infinite or finite game? How long does it run?
What are the rules?
Is it solo or multiplayer? What positions do you need?
What’s the field of play?
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