Say What You Want to Happen, Not What to Avoid
When you need something done, it’s more effective to tell people what to do. Not what not to do.
You tell people what something is, not what it’s not.
I call this idea “affirmative guidance.”
To illustrate by example, imagine you’re reading a document authored by your team, and you don’t like a section. If you respond with, “Don’t approach it this way” or “This is confusing,” what does the team know?
All the team will know is that you don’t like it. They won’t know what you want done.
If you have a strong perspective and want fast cycles, you need to tell the team what to do. Use affirmative guidance.
20 Questions
Have you ever played the game 20 questions?
It’s where one person has an object in mind and the other players need to guess it. They do this by asking a series of yes/no questions and using deductive reasoning to figure out what you had in mind.
Is it an animal? Is it bigger than a mailbox? Is it common in Africa?
Using 20 questions to figure out what’s in someone else’s head is hard! Certainly harder than if the person playing just said what they were thinking of.
This is happening to your team when you don’t use affirmative guidance. By saying all the things to avoid, or that you don’t want, you’re making them work harder to figure out what’s in your head.
Just tell them you want a cat.
Examples
Once you’re aware of this, you can see examples in all walks of life!
Restaurant Planning
Have you ever been coordinating with a friend where to go out to eat, and they just poo-poo your choices, or tell you where they don’t want to go? Infuriating!
You might have accidentally done this yourself!
Instead of saying where you don’t want to go, or don’t want to eat, use affirmative guidance. Say where you want to go or what you want to eat. Much clearer!
ChatGPT Images
This one is personal and silly, but highly illustrative. When I was using ChatGPT to create the header image for this newsletter, I was having a hell of a time! The AI kept putting a phone in the guy’s hand.
I kept telling it different variations of “don’t put a phone in his hand,” thinking I was being really explicit.
It wasn’t until I told it the specific outcome I wanted - “make the hands empty” - that I finally got what I was looking for. Huzzah!
Diet Instructions
If you wanted people to eat better, you could say “no junk food,” but that’s not clear. What’s junk food? Every time you wanted to eat, you’d have to run it through this junk food filter.
Alternatively, you could say, “Drink 64 ounces of water per day and consume one gram of protein per pound of body weight.” That’s quite clear! It’s easier to comply with because you know exactly what to do.
The person on the diet plan will have much greater clarity on their behavior in the second statement than the first.
Website
I’ve been considering a new computer and investigated Apple’s MacBook line. On their website Apple tells me exactly what it is. It tells me the screen size, the battery life, the number of ports, the weight, the price, etc.
It give me two clear calls to action; I can either learn more or buy.
They do this because it works. It tells the consumer exactly what they’re getting and how to get it.
Can you imagine a universe where they didn’t tell me those things? I played around with it in the image below. It’s extremely confusing!
I don’t know what I’m getting! I don’t know how much it costs or how much it weighs. I don’t know the screen size. All I know is a few things it is not.
I’m much less likely to buy something when they don’t use affirmative guidance.
Why does affirmative guidance work?
It’s pretty clear that when outcomes and speed matter, using affirmative guidance is effective. But let’s dig deeper into some primary principles to see why this is better.
Ironic Process Theory
This concept’s name is something I had to look up. You might know it better as the “pink elephant paradox.” If I told you not to think of a pink elephant, you’d be hard-pressed to do anything other than think of a pink elephant.
This is what you’re doing to your team if you tell them what you don’t want. You’re ironically loading into their active thought processes all the things you want to avoid. Not ideal! You clutter up their mind.
Provides Clarity, Avoids Infinite Possibilities
When there’s something you want, that means there are an infinite number of things you don’t want.
In order to narrow down to the thing you want, you’d have to list all the things it’s not. Since there’s an infinite number of them, that’s a fools game. You can’t get there!
The best you can hope for is that your team eventually figures it out through deduction, but that’s error-prone and time-consuming. Don’t waste everyone’s time.
Reduces Cognitive Load
Related to the above two points, it takes so much more cognitive load to stop thinking of the wrong thing, and to deduce from the infinite possibilities what someone truly wants but isn’t saying.
Not only does it take time to process that load, but it’s super effortful. You want your team to save their time and energy for the things that matter.
**Emphasizes Action
**Momentum is a very powerful force in business. When you tell people what something isn’t, you’re putting up all these little roadblocks on their path to success.
The team now has to run through a list of things to avoid, which emphasizes inaction. “Don’t do this.” “Don’t do that.”
You want to emphasize action and forward momentum. You want to give the team a clear target to go after.
Now that you’ve got a lot of examples and the underlying principles of why this works, it’s time to put it into action!
Call to Action
Speaking to people with affirmative guidance is one of those things that’s simple, but not necessarily easy.
You might be surprised at how often you do the opposite! Listen for “no” or “don’t” words when speaking or listening to those around you. Those are clues that you’re not being clear.
The good news is you can start practicing immediately!
When you get to work this week, be conscious of affirmative guidance when you’re engaging with your team. Don’t emphasize all the things you don’t want, or what they should avoid. Get straight to the point and tell them what you want.
Remember: It’s a cat. 😁
If you catch yourself this week, I’d love to hear the examples. What did you say? How did it go? What affirmative guidance did you switch to, and how did that work? Let me know at kevin@catalyst.group18.co.
Have a great week!
Kevin