Legacy in your lifetime; are you becoming an ancestor or a ghost?
Hello! How are your new 2024 habits going so far? My results are mixed 🙂 Some habits are harder to build than others! For me, pullups and rucking are going the best. They also happen to be two of the things I naturally enjoy doing, so no surprise there. Things like hill running aren’t as inherently enjoyable, so I’ve been less successful there. Some of my tricks to keep working on hill running of this have been: - Use identity. “I’m a runner,” or, “I do intense workouts.” When I do that it triggers the “people like us do things like this” state and makes me more likely to do the action. - Reduce scope. Anyone can do anything for two minutes. Sometimes I’ll tell myself that I’ll just run up the hill once and be done. That gets me out there, and then once out there I’m like, “I might as well run some more.” Chunking it down into small pieces works! - Remember the vision. I remind myself of what I’m building toward. I really do want to end the year with a higher VO2 Max, and that only happens if I put in the work today. - …yet. If I get mad at myself for not being better, I’ll likely end up abandoning the goal to resolve the tension. So, I try to be a friend to myself. There’s no, “I can’t do this.” There’s only, “I haven’t figured it out…yet.” If you’ve got any habits that are stuck feel free to write me back. Happy to chat through strategies to help! Kevin A Quote Three Things1 - 🛩️ X-59 Supersonic Aircraft - Lockheed Martin, in partnership with NASA, recently unveiled a working design for a new supersonic jet designed to travel over populated land. Supersonic air travel has been banned over the US since the 70s. If successful, this new jet could pave the way to faster commercial travel. Quick video here. Anyone remember the Concorde from the 70s? 2 - 📞 Samsung S24 Ultra AI Translated Phone Calls - I broke my phone too soon! The upcoming Samsung S24 Ultra can do live translation/transcription of a phone call with someone who doesn’t speak your language. There are some hoops to jump through (e.g. download the language pack beforehand), but otherwise this is the future we were promised in so many Sci Fi movies. If anyone gets one of these and tests it out, please share! 3 - 🐰 AI Hardware Integration: Rabbit r1 - Closing out the unintentional tech-focused theme this week, here’s a new AI-powered hardware device by Rabbit. This is not the only device I’ve seen; a lot of people are working on pushing the boundaries in this space. I don’t know what the future will hold, but smartphones as we know them will not be the form factor in our pockets forever. Will something like Rabbit supplant the smartphone? I don’t know, but this is a fascinating time! Deeper Dive on Being an Ancestor or a GhostThink back to some people who influenced you, both positively and negatively. Who are the positive influences? People who opened doors. People who lovingly challenged you. People who, when you hear them in your ear now, provide encouragement and help. Who are the negative influences? People who closed doors. People who denigrated you. People who taught you something you later learned was unhealthy or unproductive. The difference between these two influences can be thought of as ancestors and ghosts. What does it mean to be an ancestor or a ghost?An ancestor is a benevolent force. One that provides advice, is supportive, and encouraging. Nurturing. A ghost is a malevolent force. One that’s scary, critical, and discouraging. Haunting. While it’s interesting to think through your own list of ancestors and ghosts, it’s more impactful to turn that towards yourself. Are you becoming an ancestor or a ghost? How this applies to your relationshipsThis concept of ancestor vs. ghost applies to any relationship you have. You can be an ancestor or a ghost to anyone you meet. Think of your simple commerce interactions; something like eating dinner out. How do you treat the staff? Do you smile and treat them courteously? That’s an ancestor-like interaction. On the flip side, if you’re rude and demeaning. If you look down on the person or make snide remarks. That’s a ghost-like interaction. If you’ve ever worked in the service industry, I bet you’ve gone home and described customer interactions to your family or roommates - the positive and the negative! I don’t know how often you eat out, but I’m betting you spend more time with your family and work relationships than with the local barista. Let’s explore the impact to those people. Being an ancestor to your familyBruce Springsteen had a troubled relationship with his father. Many of his songs speak to the issues he had with his dad. They stayed in touch over time, but like all troubled relationships, the bond was not tight. Later in life Bruce’s dad visited unexpectedly, and having reflected on being a father, he said to Bruce, “You’ve been very good to us. And I wasn’t very good to you.” Bruce’s father realized he’d been a ghost and wanted to create a different outcome. Bruce says, very eloquently: “We are ghosts or we are ancestors in our children’s lives. We either lay our mistakes, our burdens upon them, and we haunt them, or we assist them in laying those old burdens down, and we free them from the chain of our own flawed behavior. And as ancestors, we walk alongside of them, and we assist them in finding their own way, and some transcendence. My father, on that day, was petitioning me, for an ancestral role in my life after being a ghost for a long long time.” There are some takeaways here. One is that, as with most things, it starts with self reflection. Bruce’s dad had to be aware of his own behavior, and the impact it had on those around him. Only then could he think with intention about the kind of father he wanted to be. Two is that it’s never too late! It doesn’t matter if you’re 20 or 70; once you realize your actions and behaviors need to change, you can change them. As a father myself, I think a lot about this. I want my kids to be good humans, and I want them to want to spend time with me. I need to provide boundaries and natural consequences, and also love and care. The way to hold your kids closely is not to try to grip them as hard as you can. It is to support them, to encourage them, to help them become who they are, not what we want them to be. Our job is to be a resource, a shoulder to lean on, an ancestor, not a haunting, controlling, terrifying ghost. - Ryan Holiday, from the Daily Dad What you say out loud to your kids becomes their inner voice later. How do you want your kids to talk to themselves? Being an ancestor to your team at workWe’re all leaders at work, whether we’re formally managing staff, or working as an individual contributor. Leadership has many parallels with family dynamics, and often you spend more time with work relationships than with family. All of these relational principles apply at work. You have the same opportunity to be an ancestor or a ghost. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. If you’re leading a team, how do you make your team feel? Are you being successful in balancing high standards and ambition with people’s natural desire to be accepted for who they are? Are you giving feedback or advice? As a leader I certainly haven’t always gotten this balance right! While my intentions have always been positive, the impact of my behavior hasn’t always created the environment I wanted. Thankfully I have honest mirrors around me to let me know when I’m on the wrong path. None of us are perfect; we just have to keep trying. The tone, mood, presence, focus, and behavior of the leader is the weather in any organization—a force of nature. And everyone who works there can feel it, see it, experience it, and describe how it impacts them and those around them. They know if this weather either supports what they are trying to create or destroys it. They can describe if the weather brings out the best in individual employees and teams, or if it lowers their performance. They know if they should relax, contribute, and take risks, or remain cautious, reserved, and careful. - Robert Anderson, “Scaling Leadership” Just like what you say out loud to your kids becomes their inner voice, that’s true for your staff and colleagues at work. When they’re tackling a problem, what do you want them to say to themselves? Remember: What you say and do at work will likely be repeated at their dinner table that night. The quality of your deliverables matters, too!To tie this idea into something concrete, the quality of your deliverables matters, too! Think about software code you created. Is your code well-architected with clear variable naming and instructive comments throughout? You’re acting like an ancestor. Future people will bless your name! 🙌 Is your Google Sheet a hot mess? Is the formatting all over the place? Do you have random formulas, dead ends, and incomplete work? Are there no comments or instructions? You’re acting like a ghost. Future people will curse your name. Also, please stop that 🤣 Make your sheets pretty. So now we’re clear on the framing and the impact on those around us, but how do we move more in the direction of ancestor? Having a visionWhat do you want your legacy to be? If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable. - Lucius Seneca Build a vision for the type of parent or leader you want to be. How do you want people to talk about you? What traits do you want to be known for? When people open your code or Google Sheet, will they sigh in relief or scrunch their shoulders in anxiety? As silly as it sounds, there’s power in the written word. I’d suggest writing out your vision to make it concrete and compelling. I’d also suggest sharing it with others so they can hold you accountable. As an example, I do this as a father. My kids all know what I’d like the future to be. They all know I want to see them, and want them to want to see me. I make it safe for them to give me feedback and thank them when they do. Then I get to work making any adjustments when I act inconsistent with my vision. Ensure your short-term actions are building toward your visionOnce you have a vision you can start assessing whether your short term actions are taking you there. If you take only a short term view, you may be inclined to use force; physical, emotional, or other. You might coerce people in order to get what you want. You might be successful in the short term, but you’re moving further away from your long-term goal. Each time you make a decision consistent with one aspect over the other, you’re slowly building toward that direction. Each positive interaction makes you more ancestor-like. Each negative makes you more ghost-like. This isn’t all or nothing. One bad event doesn’t erase all the good ones. We all make mistakes, and we can all repair them. What’s important is the intent and the correction. Be aware of your actions and keep striving toward your future as an ancestor. Call to action this weekThis was a pretty big topic today! You’re already ahead of the game if you got this far; it shows you’re invested in being an ancestor. This week there are some things you could do to apply these ideas: Rome wasn’t built in a day, so don’t stress about making any sort of drastic changes. Small habits compound. If there’s a tweak you need to make, just make the tweak. As always, I’d love to hear from you. Did this week’s newsletter cause any reflection or reactions? Reply back and let me know what you’re thinking! Kevin 😄 |