You have the most to learn from "idiots"
You can learn from anyone.
You have the most to learn from people you consider “idiots.” They’re potentially operating in your blind spots.
A superpower worth cultivating is learning from people you don’t like. It is called “humility.” This is the courage to let dumb, stupid, hateful, crazy, mean people teach you something because despite their character flaws they each know something you don’t.
— Kevin Kelly in “Excellent Advice for Living”
Today I’ll walk through:
- Why we see people as idiots
- Why this view is a problem
- Techniques to work through it
A quick note on the term idiot The term idiot isn’t nice. It’s a label applied to “others” and used as a pejorative. I used it in quotes above because it does periodically come out of people’s mouths. And even if you don’t use the term idiot, you’ve probably at one time or another used a label to describe someone you thought wasn’t making a wise decision or acting in accordance with your values.
So while I acknowledge the term isn’t nice, I’m going to use it throughout this newsletter to represent that feeling of contempt we may have for others. I will also drop the quotes for ease of writing/reading.
Why do we see people as idiots?
There are three main reasons we see people as idiots; ego protection, fast thinking, and confirmation bias.
Ego Protection
Ego will come up a LOT in this newsletter because it shows up whenever we’re trying to change. As I wrote in the newsletter on advice and appreciation, humans desire to be accepted as who we are now AND to grow into the future.
The ego is constantly looking for threats to our identity and coming up with whatever rationalization allows us to feel good. It does this by going on the offensive.
When we experience or see something new or that we don’t understand, our first instinct is to assume we’re correct and the other person is incorrect. This allows us to feel confident and certain in ourselves and our beliefs. This is stable and comforting.
When the severity of your beliefs are high, and when they are deeply integrated as part of your identity, that’s when the “idiot” label comes out. Calling someone an idiot reinforces that we’re okay and other people are not okay.
Our ego can rest having done its job.
Fast Thinking
Humans are mentally lazy by design. Daniel Kahneman in “Thinking, Fast and Slow” used the terms System 1 and System 2 to describe our dual thinking systems. We have a “fast” and a “slow” system, which are System 1 and System 2, respectively.
Systems 1 and 2 are both active whenever we are awake. System 1 runs automatically and System 2 is normally in a comfortable low-effort mode, in which only a fraction of its capacity is engaged. System 1 continuously generates suggestions for System 2: impressions, intuitions, intentions, and feelings. If endorsed by System 2, impressions and intuitions turn into beliefs, and impulses turn into voluntary actions.
— Daniel Kahneman, “Thinking, Fast and Slow”
System 1 is automatic and efficient. It runs without you having to put much energy into it. This is why you can make quick decisions based on intuition. You’ve turned your experiences into pattern recognition and don’t have to expend much energy for that anymore.
Imagine if you didn’t have this system! You’d have to start fresh with every new experience and you’d get nothing done.
System 2 is the complex processor. It’s engaged when things get harder or are new. It can override System 1, but only though high effort and intention.
We’re constantly trying to move things from the high energy consumption System 2 to the low energy consumption System 1.
System 1 is present when we’re quickly labeling someone as an idiot. We turned an impression into a belief and now System 1 saves us energy by doing that unconsciously.
Confirmation Bias
Once we’ve decided some person is an idiot, or some act is idiotic, we’re now at risk for confirmation bias. When we see something that reinforces our belief, we log it as further evidence that we’re right. Our brain gives us a little hit of dopamine as a reward for being so smart. Thanks, brain! 🧠
When we see something that challenges our belief, we ignore it. We’re like predatory animals whose sight is attuned to movement; we most easily see what confirms our beliefs, not what disconfirms them.
Why is this a problem?
There are three big reasons why our unconscious system of seeing people as idiots is a problem; it hinders our learning, it’s not nice, and we lose the ability to adjust our beliefs.
It Hinders our Learning
You were not born in your final form. You’ve been developing since the day you were born. You’re going to continue learning and growing in the future.
The things you learned you learned from others. Some you learned by direct mimicry, such as how to talk. Some you learned by reading what others wrote about what they knew.
So given that you’re constantly learning, and given that you learn from others, refusing to learn from idiots only harms yourself. You’ve blocked yourself from a group of people who have things to teach you.
It’s Not Nice
As I acknowledged in the beginning, the term idiot and its synonyms are derogatory. They come from anger and contempt, which come from your ego trying to protect yourself.
The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts.
— Marcus Aurelius in “Meditations”
Those thoughts affect how you treat others, and when you label someone an idiot, your interactions with them are influenced by these feelings.
It doesn’t feel good to be called an idiot, or to be treated like one.
Use It Or Lose It
Our minds and bodies are highly adaptive. If you stop using something, it starts to decay. If you use it, it gets reinforced and strengthened.
If you rely on your fast-thinking System 1 and don’t work out your slow-thinking System 2, you’ll start the lose the capacity to reflect and adjust your beliefs.
The world is constantly changing, and you need to retain the capacity to change with it.
Why would you want to be exactly who you used to be? That means you aren’t doing your job as a person. It means you’re not doing what’s necessary. Change is necessary. To be the same person you were last year or last decade means you’ve learned nothing new and you’re doing things the same way and at the same level you used to. It means that you’re not growing, and what’s not growing is dying. … Things are constantly changing around you, so why would you stay the same?
— Luvvie Ajayi Jones in “Professional Troublemaker”
Why is this important to correct?
Your ability to develop as a human and as a leader depends on your ability to learn and adapt.
The biggest unlocks for growth as a leader come from seeing the world differently. Seeing the gray instead of the black and white.
It’s comically common for workers to think their boss is an idiot.
But there’s a funny paradox here I’ll try to illustrate. Leaders are often in their position because they’ve shifted their perspective to the next level. But people often have to experience something to learn it, and if we haven’t experienced a thing yet, we can’t see it. So you’re left with two people - a leader and their employee - seeing the world differently.
The sensation that “my boss is an idiot” often just means the boss sees something you don’t see yet.
It’s commonplace for less-senior people to complain about obvious misalignments and to wonder why “those idiots” higher up tolerate clearly dysfunctional arrangements. By the time you reach the midsenior levels of most organizations, however, you are well on your way to becoming one of those idiots.
— Michael D. Watkins in “The First 90 Days”
But…aren’t there idiots?
I mean, yes, sometimes people do things that you should not learn from. But idiot is a fixed-mindset term, and we’re all believers in growth. 🌱
Not only is idiot coming from a fixed mindset, it’s also a dangerous belief system. Once you open up the idiot label, then your System 1 gets to go around plopping people into that group. You’re at risk for all the things we’ve already talked about - hindered personal development and being not nice 😊
Someone doing something different than you does not directly equate to wrong or idiotic - be careful of putting the judgment on the observation. Different just means different. And different might be something you need to learn.
Let’s take all this knowledge and our growth mindset into action!
How do we go about learning from idiots?
Here are a few techniques for how to learn from someone your System 1 has labeled an idiot.
Use Awareness
Use emotions and words as clues.
Do you feel yourself getting angry at someone? Can you feel contempt coming in? Are you literally using the term “idiot,” or one of its synonyms?
Those are your clues that you might have someone operating in your blind spot. It’s time to slow down and engage our slow-thinking System 2.
Get Curious
Use your slow-thinking brain to be curious about your emotions and the interaction. Why is this person or this interaction giving you this emotion? What perspective do they have? How did they come to this conclusion? What was their intent?
Go deeper.
Ask more questions of yourself and the other person. You’re trying to bypass your unconscious System 1 by using novel questions that will bring System 2 online.
The positive deviants we study observe an infraction and then tell themselves a more complete and accurate story. Instead of asking, “What’s the matter with that person?” they ask, “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do that?”
— Kerry Patterson in “Crucial Accountability”
Have Humility
Be open to learning. Be open to assuming the other person has something to teach you.
Lower the stakes by treating it like an experiment.
Trying on a new perspective, behavior, or action, isn’t a commitment to doing it forever. Treat it like grabbing a coat off the rack at the store. If you don’t like it or it doesn’t match your shoes - fine - just put it back on the rack.
It’s an experiment. You won’t always change how you work, but you will always learn from it.
Probe for Underlying Assumptions and Principles
What’s often a disagreement on the surface is actually a disagreement on assumptions and principles.
People are rational heroes of their own story. Whatever they’re doing they’re likely doing it with intent, and it makes sense in their worldview. What could you learn from them?
Instead of reacting at the surface, probe to understand the assumptions and principles the person is using. I’m not a betting man, but I’m guessing that most misalignments are sourced in the assumptions and principles layer.
If you go down to align on the assumptions and principles, you’d often come back to align on the surface. The feeling of someone being an “idiot” often just means they’re using different assumptions, and it’s a clue to go seek them out.
You’ll also get to add new assumptions, principles, and mental models to your library to use later!
Bringing it all together
An “idiot” is likely someone operating in your blind spot. They have a different perspective, and they may have novel assumptions, principles, and mental models for you learn from.
Be on the lookout for your ego protecting you, your fast-thinking System 1 doing unconscious labeling, and confirmation bias.
Use your emotions and language as clues, approach with curiosity, have humility, and probe for misalignment at the assumptions and principles layer.
Doing all of this supports your personal development, can make the world a nicer place, and ensures you’re getting practice engaging your deep-thinking System 2.
Call to action this week
Be on the lookout for idiots!
Maybe you already have someone in mind. If so, get started on applying these techniques. Seek to learn something from this person.
If you don’t have someone in mind, find them. Be aware of your emotions this week - especially anger and contempt. Those are your clues to pay attention.
I’d love to know how you’re doing! If you learn something from this, please let me know. Reply back to this newsletter, at kevin@catalyst.group18.co; I’d love to hear from you.
Kevin