Feeling follows action
Most people get the relationship between feelings and actions backwards. It’s common to think that the feeling has to precede acting. You wait to feel a certain mood and then you can start acting in a way that’s consistent with that mood.
A common example is that you have to feel energetic before you can go workout. Or that you wait for a feeling of joy before you can start acting light and breezy. Or that you have to feel loving before you can act affectionate.
The reality is that feelings follow action!
Working out is what gives you energy. Acting calm - taking a deep breath, talking slowly - makes you feel calm. Acting affectionate is what makes you feel loving.
Turn some music up loud, smile, and dance; I dare you to do that and not have positive feelings follow.
This is great news! It means you have agency on your feelings. You can kickstart the mood you want by acting that way first. Julie Smith covers this in “Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before.” Your actions drive your physical body, which drives chemical changes, which affect your brain.
“So when we start doing something, even when your flat mood says, ‘I don’t feel like it,’ we can trigger a biological and emotional shift. This doesn’t mean that putting some music on or doing a single workout is going to solve all your problems or change your life.”
Similarly, Steve Magness from “Do Hard Things” talks about how “behavior drag[s] your mood with it.”
“This theory helps explain the advice that “Mood follows action.” When we’re feeling sad and down, trying to alter our mood seldom works. But if instead of trying to force your mood to change you change your behavior—getting out of bed and going for a walk—you often find yourself in a much better, happier place. Your behavior dragged your mood with it.”
It even works at a deeper level. James Clear in “Atomic Habits” goes into this at some depth talking through identify and habits. This quote speaks to that deep change; you can change who you are by changing what you do. It’s the changing of the actions that can drive a change in identity.
“The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.”
They use this concept in Morita Therapy, a Japanese practice developed in the early 1900s. Gregg Krech covers this in “The Art of Taking Action” about Japanese Psychology.
“One of the central principles of Morita Therapy is that we have much more control over our body (actions) than our minds (thoughts, feelings). So a distinguishing element of Morita’s work is to put effort into getting the body to take action, rather than trying to manipulate our thoughts or feelings. Often, once the body is moving, there is a natural influence on our emotional state and our thoughts. For example, you may not feel like exercising. and might have thoughts like “It’s too cold outside to go for a walk today.” But once you are out walking, you may find that your experience is one of exhilaration.”
I use this concept in my personal life all the time! I’ll share just two examples below.
My body wakes itself up early and doesn’t always want to get the day started. When I wake up in the morning, I shuffle out to the living room and grab some water. After drinking the glass of water, I fire up my custom “Rad Morning Kickstart” playlist from Spotify in my earbuds. It’s full of high energy music specifically to kickstart my mood. With the music up loud, my body starts to bounce, and then I do some quick sets of pushups and air squats. After this I’m awake and ready to go tackle anything!
When I don’t do this, what happens? I end up sitting groggily on the couch. I achieve nothing. My mood stays low.
Another quick example is using dancing and being silly when there are sour moods in the air. Everyone once in a while one of my kids might wake up on Sunday with the same groggy / grumpy feeling I mentioned for me above. I can feel their moods influence my own and before long I start to feel a little negative.
I use that awareness of how I’m feeling and apply this concept of feeling follows action. I turn on the music, do silly dances, and smile with the kids. I give them hugs and make jokes. My mood recovers and it starts to have a positive influence on the people around me.
Feeling follows action. Do the thing that will create the mood you want.
I can’t wait to hear how you all have, or will, apply this in your own lives. If you test this out somewhere in your life this week, reply to this email and let me know where. I’d love to hear it!